Given the fact that it is 5:15 in the morning and I've had my nose in a book for the past nine hours, this entry may not make too much sense, but try to bear with me.

First of all, camp was all that I'd hoped it would be and more. Not that last summer was not a great experience, but this summer definitely topped it. I'm having a really hard time accepting the fact that camp is still going on without me. I feel like its my home and its really hard to be away from camp.

Secondly, Maggie and Ben are getting married in like five days and that's somewhat strange. Its the first person I'm really close to that's my age that's getting married. It should be an interesting experience. I am really excited about it, despite whatever weirdness may result.

Thirdly, I just jumped on the bandwagon and read Twilight just to see what all the Facebook Flair hype was about. While I am not going to become severely obsessed with the apparently perfect vampire man (he is fictional after all), I will say that its a pretty baller book. That's not an adjective I would normally use to describe literature, but its early. I couldn't put it down. Its the first book since Harry Potter #7 that I've read in one day. Good thing the next two books in the series are already out and in paper book. I would highly recommend you read these books. And there's a movie coming out in December which should be good.

I can hear birds chirping now so I think I'm going to take a little catnap before purchasing the next two books and reading them while spending a day at the pool. I really love summertime.

 

I'm stuck in this rut and I can't seem to get out of it. I don't guess it helps that I feel like I have no control over my life right now. Its completely in the hands of someone else for an indefinite period of time. I've also just discovered that trips down memory lane are more painful than they're worth. Why is it taking so long for me to completely let go? Is there a reason I'm holding on so tightly?

I think I'm going stir crazy. A drive would be so great right now, but alas, there is no car to drive. Maybe that's it. I have no way of escape. I've just been stuck in this apartment for days with no way out, at least without bothering someone else.

These words in my brain are all jumbled and I can't make any sense of them. There are so many things I want, but I don't think I'll ever have them. Queen has been stuck in my head all day and it may be the problem: "Can't anybody find me somebody to love?"

"I'm movin in reverse/ under your mighty curse/... / I turn my head away/ but my heart will remain/ til the day I learn you're no good for me."

I realize none of that made any sense, but I just needed to try to make sense of things for myself.

I must say that last post makes me laugh. A "new, interesting, wonderful, surprising semester" indeed. Its been a year since I've updated my xanga. A long, hard...yet surprising year. And it seems that I may have grown the most in the last month or so than in the whole year. That's kind of a sad realization. I guess I should count the month of July though. I did grow at TBarM. As for the month of mid-December/January, I've made great strides personally. At least in my opinion. I'll spare the details here, but I'm proud of myself.

As for this month-long break, I didn't exactly accomplish what I had originally set out to accomplish. I have read books, but not anything of any importance. However, on the list is finishing "Searching for God Knows What" and starting "The Irresistible Revolution." I had also planned to apply to a masters program in Forensic Psychology, but that didn't happen either. I now have this sinking feeling that, come April, I'm going to be scrambling for a backup plan when I don't get into this program I've been counting on. I was able to reunite with some of my camp friends and it was so refreshing.  

I'm not one for New Year's resolutions, but I do like to set goals even though I don't quite reach many of them. I do want this semester to be new and wonderful and surprising, but hopefully it will be completely different from that semester I was looking forward to a year ago. And it will be, because circumstances are different and I've learned from the mistakes I've made. I realize I'm not helpless and I have a choice. I'm choosing to make this semester the best semester of my college career. The last one. The most memorable. I'm hoping to take more pictures than ever and hang out with my friends more than ever. If only I could blow off the academics...

I'm turning 22 soon. That sounds so old, even though I still feel so young. I still feel like I should be a freshman in college. These past three and a half years have flown by. They have been some of the greatest of my life, with only a few lowpoints, which is good, I suppose. I just wish I would have taken advantage of some of the high points and kept them going instead of just accepting them as high points, then letting them go.

I am almost 22 and some might say I'm running out of time. To get married, that is. Some days I agree with them. The loneliness and wishing I was with someone overwhelms me and panic starts to set in. That usually only occurs when I'm discussing a friend's wedding plans, though. Most days, and these are the days that I realize how much I've changed since last year, I don't want to get married at all. Ever. Sure, it would be nice to share my life with someone else, to have kids and grow old together, but then I think there's so much I want to do that I might not be able to do if I were married. I mean I am only 22. And I can always adopt. I was planning on it anyway. Not to mention, people don't stay married for long these days. And I might have a slight trust issue when it comes to the opposite sex. But only a small one.

To sum it up...and this was way longer than expected, but it felt good to get it out..., I'm ready for this new semester. I'm ready for this new year and the huge changes it will bring. I'm ready to face the world...today anyway.

so i was tagged...

1) I'm obsessed with NCAA women's basketball...March is my favorite month.

2) I still sleep with a stuffed animal

3) I like to play computer games...like CSI and Law and Order

4) I got both games for Christmas...I'm a nerd, I know.

5) I want to go to grad school in the Northeast...like Boston.

Most of these things people know, but I'm not really in thinking mode today.

I tag whoever wants to do this and my sister.

Its funny how much your life can change in a month. All the emotions that you can go through in 4 weeks. I've never been so happy and so sad at the same time. And its strange how all those emotions can be brought out by just one person. I cannot even begin to say how much I need to be at home right now. It seems like the only place I can go to get away, but really, I can't get away. I'm about to have a whole three weeks of solitude, but I won't be able to get him out of my head. No matter how far you run, there's no hiding from your pain. And that sucks.